It all started as a favor to my 7-year-old son.
In
fact, he was a little embarrassed to even ask me at
first.
“Dad, uh…I was
wondering…uh…never mind, it’s
stupid.”
“It’s okay, Ian,
what’s up?”
“You wanna Bloon with
me?”
Little did I know that my
affirmative answer to my son’s tentative question
would lead to a personal Bloon win / loss record of 434 /
257, meaning in 691 Bloon battles I have earned a victory
percentage of 63, considered, ahem, quite decent in the
Bloonin’ world.
As impressed as I get you
must be with all that, I also get that “What the
HELL IS A BLOON????” might be on your mind, as
well.
Bloons TD (tower defense) BATTLES is an
online game you can download for free to your computer or
smartphone or iPad or whatever you connect to the internet
with and play while being interrupted by very few ads.
Here’s
its main screen.
Doesn’t all that blue make you want to
dive right in and start popping?
The object of
the game to set up various balloon-popping monkeys at
different points on the screen to best pop the balloons
that keep floating across your world.
You’re
given money every so often, and the balloons get faster as
the rounds increase so you have to spend wisely on your
defense.
Plus in the version I favor, Assault,
you can send balloons at your opponent to try and help
take him down.
Each opponent starts with a
score of 150, and whoever gets to zero first loses, and,
of course, there are a myriad of variations between
monkeys with different skills, including wizard monkeys
and glue gun monkeys and monkeys in boats and submarines
or with cannons or sniper rifles.
And every
seven hours, you get another chance to spin the Battle
Wheel and win various prizes that are valuable in the
game.
I’m almost 55-years old and I LOVE
SPINNING THAT WHEEL!!!!
You want action? Take a
look at this mid-battle screen shot from the video
below:
Woo, monkey, any Bloon expert would know
that my fire wizards are being aided by my glue-gunners,
since slower balloons are far easier to pop.
You
can tell I’m battling a player who prefers the boat
defense, though they’ve snuck a wizard in there to
help out.
This is round 19 – (SPOILER
ALERT) and my opponent won’t last past round 20.
I
won’t say Blooning is a guilty pleasure, because I regret
not one milli-second I’ve spent playing this fantastic
game. Whether I’m Blooning with my son (we’ve Blooned once
a day since the quarantine started, which is new time
together) or on my own, I get something out of this game
that goes beyond the fun of winning or losing.
I’m
a problem solver, a systems man and a linear thinking, and
Bloons gives all three of those parts of me a good run for
their money every time.
Solving the problem of
where to place each part of your defense to best take on
the onslaught you know is coming.
Getting the
various parts of your defense working together as battle
systems at all the choke points on the screen where you’re
Bloonin’.
A Bloon battle takes place over the
course of rounds, with each round lasting the same amount
of time and with a pattern of attack that’s exact every
time, so with enough repetitions I have been able to
create a linear battle plan that unfolds the same way
every time.
My favorite Bloon assault is
victorious 63 percent of the time, though many of my
losses happened early on before my plan had been
perfected.
I’ve included a video of me
executing my deadly Bloon battle plan, and (SPOILER ALERT)
it results in a win on the very first take.
I
was hoping it would be more humorous than it ended up
being, but if I’m honest, there’s really nothing funny to
me about Bloonin at all. I guess that’s kinda funny
all in itself.
If you’re looking for a way to
occupy a few hours challenging the left side of your brain
while thoroughly entertaining the right side along the
way, give Bloons TD BATTLES a try (it’s free!) and give
yourself some respite from these far too serious times.
And
if you have a young child who you’re longing to
connect with, Bloon together – it makes a great
activity for the two of you to enjoy, creating fun
memories of laughing and popping together in both of your
worlds.
Meet me on the battle field and
let’s Bloon, kid!
VIDEO OF A LIVE LUKAS
BLOON BATTLE:
